Cheesburger in Paradise

I guess have found a whole new meaning for the term 'Cultural Infidel'--although not quite what Jimmy Buffett meant when he wrote the song of that title.  You see, I may have just started some sort of quiet epidemic here in the Hindu Kush.  However, this would be a peaceful, island music, Margartiaville-type of disease.  

 

Bottom line, I have introduced Jimmy Buffett to the Afghan National Army (ANA).  Who knows where this war will go?

 

And it all started innocently enough--as always.

 

I was minding my own business running laps around our helo pads (I think one lap = 300 m).  I had lost track of how many laps I had run, so I was just going to keep running until the old Marine in front of me stopped.  (It turns out that I would never have been able to keep up with him.)

 

Anyway, as I am running a soccer ball gets kicked into my path.  Next thing I know I am surrounded by ANA's while each of them take turns listening to what I was playing on my ipod.  And it happened to be Jimmy Buffett's 'Cheesburger in Paradise'.  Try explaining the meaning of that song to an Afghani.  The translator eventually gave up and we all got on with the soccer game that was about to commence.

 

I could tell, however, that they liked the beat.  And they listened intently to a few songs but never tried to figure out the meaning of the lyrics.  Which is better for all of us.  Because one of the songs was Cultural Infidel!

 

Afterwards, I think to myself, there is no way I could dream this stuff up.  And the story gets better.

 

By now the soccer game is underway.  We are playing soccer on the largest Helo pad (for the CH47s) and have about 6 per side.  We have 2" PVC pipe soccer goals (no nets), and everyone is pretty serious.  All the ANA's are out watching the game, and for some reason whenever the ball leaves the pad and we need one of them to send it back they 'serve' it back like its a volleyball!  Apparently, that is some sort of universal way of giving the soccer ball back--the underhand volleyball serve.

 

I hold my own on the pitch, and even end up scoring a goal.  Of course, no translator is needed for GOOOAAALLLLLL !

 

The game was winding down, and I think the muslims were leaving for evening prayers when the game ended abruptly in a fashion I had never experienced before--but apparently the ANA players had.

 

Suddenly we all heard the classic high whistling scream--incoming.  So our typical Afghani soccer game ended Afghani style with incoming rounds signaling play time is over.  (The rounds were high and never got close to the base, but it made for quite the theatrical ending!)  Everyone scattered to the four winds, game over.

 

Just another Cheesburger in Paradise.

 

K12

Anything else you want me to do?

Even though everyone will say it was just an accident, I know it was preventable.

It all begins with the hollywood knock on the door (or in this case opening of the tent flap), "Hey Air Force, your needed in the TOC."

So with only a few hours sleep, I unwind from my sleeping bag, throw on the uniform and boots and wipe the sleep from my eyes as I walk into the TOC. We have an asset on station that is wanting to talk to the TACP. So we get comms and start working, and I relay from the army what they want the asset to do. It eventually begins working as everyone wants, and at this point in the story I am comfortably in hero mode.

And then in one fell swoop I am firmly returned to bottom of the totem pole. I had already had one cup of coffee, and had just poured myself a second cup.

At this point, coffee, computers and Rule #1 should pop into everyone's mind. So let this post be a reminder to all that single points of failure do still exist. Let me serve as a warning to all--please use cups with lids. Or, at least use a heavy coffee mug. But no one in their right mind would place a paper cup of coffee right next to the main air force secure laptop. As I am writing this after the fact it seems so self evident. So, of course, eveyone knows the rest of the story.

The speaker sounds off, I grab the handset, the cord hits the cup, the cup tips to the right, right into the laptop keyboard, and--as if on cue--the computer shuts down. And I try to non-chalantly act as if everything is cool. And I remain cool. Except the Command SgtMajor is right next to, and he quips, "I think these are waterproof." However, the waterproof toughbook was to the left of the coffee, the watersoaking sponge laptop was to the right.

As I am soaking up the coffee, enter stage right, my Tech Sergeant walks in ready for his normal day in the office. He is about to realize his computer skills are to be tested this very moment. You know the situation is bad when your report is not believed. As in, "You are kidding, right?" Eventually, the full truth hits home. Thankfully, the hard drive is good, so we just swapped it into another laptop. He asked me to take the sponge laptop to the commo guy and see if they can wring it out. The commo guy looks at me and says, "You know, this is 100% preventable."

Now is not the time to argue stats and probability--so I agree, and ask when I can pick it back up. I report back to the Tech Sergeant, see that everything is working again, and, unwittingly, ask, "Anything else you want me to do?" He just looks at me.

First post from the stan

Its been a while since I have had access to the blog, mostly I have had limited email access and some phone time. It took a few weeks to get to Naray, the forward base where I am for a little while before pushing north to my final destination for a month or two. Its entertaining (to say the least) trying to get room on the helos, but, as in everything else, persistence tends to pay off.

Accomodations are fine, I'm in a tent but have a mattress after having just a cot for awhile. Nights are cooling off but the days are still warm. Got to watch the end of the rockies game where they beat the Dbacks and now have a 3game lead. Good for them!

As is normal, things are mostly quiet, as should be the case during the winter season. Looks like we will get some of the new cold weather gear, maybe I will get a chance to ski!

As for my address, you can get in touch with home, or email me. I pretty much have all i need (and can carry). I have to limit what I am moving with to two rucks--one on my back and one carried. Space on the helos is limited. So all the gear we need to do our job, plus clothing, sleep gear, and necessities for a 2 month stay has to be one man portable. So some things get left behind, but not the ipod!

Let's see, what are some of the interesting things that have happened so far (and the corresponding character traits revealed)?
- Got in a little trouble (of course) trying to talk my way on to a helo with the crew chief....which is normal, but the pax director didn't like me going around her. It all got clarified and they found room for me on the very next helo (persistence / good ridance?).
- Me and a couple afghanis had to push a toyota so the oda dude could pop the clutch (teamwork).
- Met the polish TACPs that were getting indoc briefs, made small talk (friendliness).

Well, that's enough for now, will write more when able.

From the hindu kush,
K12

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